I was born and raised in Mexico, but I spent most of my financially independent adult life in New York and London.

However, I have been single for many years, so I have never really had to decide how to share finances with another person.

It wasn't until I entered into a serious romantic relationship that things changed. Coincidentally, my partner comes from a very similar background to mine: she is also Mexican and spent a significant portion of her adult life living abroad as well.

It's precisely because we are so similar that I'm very curious about how we will handle money as a couple.

Before deciding to live together, we seemed to get along well in many aspects.

At first, we agreed to split expenses such as dating and grocery shopping 50/50.

Later, after a few months of dating, we decided to move in together.

Suddenly, we had to agree on how much of our monthly income could be used to pay for rent. She wanted to find a place that was a bit more expensive, with a better location and more space—a home that we would truly enjoy living in.

And I think we could find a cheaper place to spend our money on, so we can save it and use it for things like air tickets and delicious dinners.

This conversation made me realize that the main difference between us is not about how much we earn or how much we spend, but rather what we want money to do for us. Once we found a place to live and moved in, this tension began to appear in various aspects.

What is worthwhile to me may not be necessary to her, and vice versa.

I prefer to spend my money on travel and experiences. Buying plane tickets for a new place, going on short weekend trips, playing video games, or even collecting Pokémon cards all seem reasonable to me. I usually judge whether a purchase is worth it based on how much pleasure or experience it can bring me.

And my partner is more willing to spend money on improving the quality of life: our home, clothes, cleaning, and all those things that make daily life more comfortable. For her, anything that can improve our apartment is clearly worth buying.

When I look at the same things, I might wonder whether we really need them or not. I’m sure she had exactly the same reaction to some of my purchases as well.

This caused friction, as our system of sharing the costs began to seem unfair—especially when one of us had to pay for something they didn’t really want. Even for things we both enjoyed, like having dinner together, she preferred to buy the ingredients and cook at home, while I preferred to spend a lot of money at an upscale Italian restaurant.

We aren't the typical type of couple where one loves to save money while the other loves to spend it. We're both willing to spend money, but we just have different opinions on what's worth investing in.

Over time, we no longer try to make every expense completely equivalent.

Later on, we began to think about finances in terms of categories. We identified what we needed, what was important to me, what was important to her, and what we truly enjoyed together. By viewing expenses in this way, it became much easier to distinguish between joint decisions and personal preferences.

We opened a joint savings account to save money for goals that are important to both of us, such as movie tickets or a new TV, and also to cover expenses like rent. As for our separate accounts, we each take care of our own priorities, like my airfare and her indoor plants.

However, we still try to remain flexible and not get too fussy about such details. For example, I don’t drink alcohol. If wine is ordered during dinner, I could technically insist on having that amount deducted from my half of the bill, as that would be more accurate in a technical sense.

But I don’t think that a relationship can continue if every amount of money has to be precisely allocated. Many times, I’ll contribute something for the things she likes, and she will do the same for me. Compromise is a part of any relationship, and love is at the center of it all.

We still won't come to an agreement on every single expense, and I don't think that's necessary either. What's important is to know what belongs to me, what belongs to her, and what we really want to build together.

Relationship

Money