My husband, Daniel, and I started dating in our junior year of college. However, by the time we graduated, we were mostly in a long-distance relationship, with me living in Arkansas and him in Georgia.
After graduation, we even managed to maintain our relationship while traveling and living in different countries separately.
We all know that the ultimate goal is to get married, and none of us want to continue a long-distance relationship any longer. So, we discussed the possibility of renting an apartment together in either my hometown or his hometown.
However, both sets of parents from our families do not approve of us living together before marriage. Although neither Daniel nor I consider ourselves religious believers anymore, we both come from Christian families.
So, Daniel's parents, Martin and Louise, came up with a compromise: we could move in with them – but we just couldn't sleep in the same room.
Living with my future in-laws before marriage sounded like a lot of pressure, but it actually brought us closer together instead.
Putting aside religious factors, Daniel's parents also hope to help us reduce our rent burden, as we are not financially well-off. By living with them, we will be able to save money for the down payment of a house in the future.
It sounds very tempting, and we don’t want to let down their good intentions either. In the end, we agreed to this arrangement (and we got engaged about a month before moving in), but I still had some concerns in my mind.
I’m worried that I might have conflicts with Daniel’s parents over everyday trivial matters. I like them, but at that time, we weren’t particularly close. What if we don’t get along with each other? I also don’t like having someone else’s religious beliefs determine my way of life.
Fortunately, many of my concerns about living with my in-laws after marriage never came to pass.
Most evenings, we have dinner together, which means I can enjoy the delicious home-cooked meals made by Louise almost every day.
Most evenings, Martin and Daniel would watch baseball on TV, and I took the opportunity to learn about the sport as well. In the end, I became a die-hard fan of the Atlanta Braves.
Although we spend a lot of time together, I still feel that I have my own space. My in-laws go to bed very early because they have to get up early the next day for work, so Daniel and I still have at least a few hours to ourselves in the evening.
Of course, we don't have no problems either. To this day, I still feel guilty for repeatedly forgetting that we don't have a garbage disposal in my home and for always dumping eggshells down the sink; I'm also constantly worried about waking them up at night, since they go to bed at 9 o'clock.
But overall, living together is a positive experience.
In a way that was originally impossible, I came to understand my husband, as well as my in-laws, better than before.
Ten months later, Daniel and I got married and moved out to live independently. Looking back, I truly feel that it was worthwhile to live with him before making the commitment of marriage.
Although Daniel and I sleep in different rooms, living under the same roof has still given me a useful preview of married life. It has also allowed me to deeply understand Daniel's behavior; not only do I know how he acts, but I also understand why he acts that way.
Some things are quite trivial. For example, when he comes to my house and piles the dishes in the sink instead of immediately putting them in the dishwasher, I find that very impolite.
But after having about 20 meals with his family, I realized that they always waited until the sink was full before putting the dishes into the dishwasher. He’s not lazy; he’s just acting in the way he was raised.
In addition, this experience has also allowed me to understand my future in-laws better. For this reason, we have almost never argued because of their visits, or because one of them made me feel wronged. This has reduced a potential issue in our marriage.
Living with Daniel's parents could have damaged my relationship with them, but the result was quite the opposite. It brought us even closer together.
Many years later, this time spent living together has become particularly precious again.
About ten years later, when my father-in-law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my experience of living with them became important once again.
Daniel and I have already made preparations to move back, and we will do our best to help. In the end, we only stayed with Martin for a few weeks before he passed away; after that, we stayed on for a while longer to assist Louise with the arrangements, prepare for the funeral, and spend more time with her.
For many people, living with in-laws for six weeks can be an extremely difficult experience. This emotionally charged and stressful situation indeed makes things tough at times.
However, I have gotten used to living with Louise. I don't need to walk around this family with extra caution, and I also understand the way things are done here.
Not only was I able to live with them for six weeks at such a life-changing moment, but I am also more grateful than ever that I lived with them nearly a decade ago. I now realize that if I hadn't moved into Martin's home back then, I wouldn't have come to know him as well as I do.
