This "oral record" is based on an interview with The Relationship Therapy Group, a marriage and relationship therapist from Silicon Valley, and Phil Boissierie. He is 50 years old this year and co-founded this institution with his wife about 10 years ago. The following content has been edited for length and clarity.
I have been working as a therapist for nearly 20 years, mainly providing counseling to couples and executives in Silicon Valley.
NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang News of an extramarital affair was reported over the weekend. People do have extramarital affairs, and they often try to deal with them; sometimes, in the end, it can even strengthen their relationship.
But there are many complex aspects to this matter; factors such as geopolitics, trade, and government intervention mean that this is not just a simple story of “CEO going astray, being discovered, and then attempting crisis management.”
Like in any business center, I believe that people in Silicon Valley need to handle their interpersonal relationships wisely, as well as how they treat others, because this reflects what kind of leader you are and also affects how the outside world perceives your company. Generally speaking, people here do indeed do so – but there’s no doubt that mistakes can be made as well.
I have worked as a therapist in Silicon Valley for nearly 20 years.
News like that about Jensen Huang makes customers think of their own past experiences, such as: "Hey, I also crossed the line a few years ago, and now I'm really worried. What if what happened back then gets exposed? What should I do?"
In such a situation, what a person should do depends on the specific circumstances. My direct advice is that if you are in that situation and feeling worried or guilty, stop immediately.
If a couple wants to move towards a positive outcome after an extramarital affair, both parties must face it head-on and prioritize dealing with it, and they need to create a supportive "bubble of protection" for this purpose.
After all, these high-pressure professionals in the tech industry are just ordinary people; they just happen to be in a special position in life. I often see that after having an extramarital affair, people end up with even stronger relationships, because it forces their partners to reflect on the issues, to consider whether perhaps they were not present during that time, or whether their connection had weakened at some point, and so on.
I think it was right for Jensen Huang to explain the situation to NVIDIA's employees.
If you think about a typical extramarital affair, what factors could make it complicated? The relationship itself, children and family, as well as any business-related factors. In Jensen Huang’s case, both of his children with his wife Lori Huang also work at NVIDIA, and all these factors come together.
I'm not sure if this is a common occurrence: first, there are rumors of an extramarital affair, and then CEO sends an email to the entire company or to the core employees, informing them that the incident did indeed happen. My judgment is that this is done in order to control the situation as quickly as possible, since the matter has already been exposed by the media and involves very complex geopolitical and security factors.
But when such gossip-like news breaks in the media, you have only two choices: either to bury your head and avoid it, or to respond directly. He chose the latter. In this case, it was the right thing for him to explain the situation to his employees, apologize publicly, and show that he is making an effort to repair the relationship.
I can't give advice to someone I don't know, but I feel a lot of sympathy for his wife, as I can't imagine the amount of pressure she must be under under the public eye. I think what's most important now is that she should have people close to her who can offer her advice and help her take care of herself during this incredibly stressful time. (Editor's note: Lori Huang has not yet made any public comments regarding her husband's admission of having an extramarital affair.)
My advice for highly visible professional partners
If you are a executive at a Fortune 500 or Fortune 100 company, time is indeed a real issue. If you are married, you are not only marrying your partner but also “marrying” your job, and that can be quite challenging.
Being away from home and feeling estranged from one's spouse are real issues that I see every day. When I say to a particularly busy partner, "You need to find time to connect," what comes to their mind immediately is, "I don't know when I'll be able to spare a weekend, a week, or even an evening, because someone is always on a business trip." There have probably been hundreds of romantic comedies made around the theme of business travel.
The key thing I tell my spouses is to stay in touch; and now that’s easier than ever. Send a quick text saying you miss each other, that you’re thinking of the other person, say hello when you get back to the hotel at night, and so on. If you’re on constant international business trips and only stay in the city for one day each time, then make those days more meaningful.
If, due to work, children, and all the pressures, you only have 10 minutes together – then stop for a moment, put aside your phones and screens, and use these 10 minutes to truly connect. Look into each other’s eyes, interact with your partner, feel each other, and also let them feel you. We are highly social creatures; we need this undisturbed attention.
Maintain connection; it's not just about asking your partner how their day was, but also about sharing. I encourage busy clients to share their work, their day-to-day experiences, the ups and downs, as well as their successes and failures. This can bring your partner into your life. Connection is a two-way street; both people need to share, otherwise, everything will fall apart.
Remember: Your career is important, your investors are important, but your partner is even more important.
If you have a story to share about how relationships affect one's career, please contact reporter aapplegate @ businessinsider.com.
